tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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