if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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