I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
