its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
