i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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