Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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