Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
