Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
