My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
