haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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