I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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