Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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