im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
