I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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