There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
