His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
