she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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