You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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