he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
