you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you never un-have a 4some
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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