I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
