Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
