I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
