I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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