You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
