I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
