apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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