after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have already put on my inside pants.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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