Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My vagina is very pro this idea
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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