i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
