Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
