i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
