Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
