Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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