Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
