Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
