can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
