I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
