Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
