so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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