Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
