He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
