You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
