We won't sleep together?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
