just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
