if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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