Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
