The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
