He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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