Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
