some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
