I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
