You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
