okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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