I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
