New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
