yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
