She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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