good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
